One week! It's taken me one week to process the information that we will not be able to conceive unless we do ivf. I haven't digested it all. I am still an emotional wreck. I am still shaking my head at the mess I am in.
I can't explain my hesitation to proceed because it still doesn't make sense. I have so many issues (twists and turns the doctor called them) that lessens the success rate for this procedure. And yet it is our ONLY option next to adoption. It's a sucky place to be.
D sees this as a problem with a possible solution. My sister sees it as a problem with my clinic, me and sees the need for another opinion. Several friends see it as shitty news. And I see it as too much. I don't know how to explain how overwhelmed I am. I can't ensure success so I don't know how to move on. Nothing I do can change the outcome - I am a control freak. I need to be able to work hard to change the outcome.
Lately I've looked at a lot of other fertility blogs, websites and funny things. I love that I am not the only bitter girl who can't get over the opinions that have been thrown my way. I love the common ground we share but hate that this is so common.
I guess today I just needed to say I was right. The bad news came and while there are way worse things in the world, I know that today...this feels like my worst. :(
Tomorrow might feel easier.
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