Sitting with a full bladder, doing the dance in my seat while it appears none of these other women have the same issue. In my head I am begging them to call my name and get this ultrasound over with. But I wait and I dance.
Today I have a meeting to discuss ivf. It's another dreaded step down this path but I am approaching it with hope and an attempt at positivity. We haven't made any decisions, we are gathering information.
I had an appointment with a naturopath on Monday and it was amazing! She gave me hope! This is not an easy feat given my recent state of hopelessness. But, like the rest of my life, it's a wait and see game - once we make our decisions here, she will be able to help me! Yay!
Oh sweet Jesus I am going to pee my pants!!!
I am nervous too so my tummy is doing loop d'loops!
Hoping for positive outcomes, strength and to not pee my pants!!!
C
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Thursday, 1 November 2012
Well...that sucked.
One week! It's taken me one week to process the information that we will not be able to conceive unless we do ivf. I haven't digested it all. I am still an emotional wreck. I am still shaking my head at the mess I am in.
I can't explain my hesitation to proceed because it still doesn't make sense. I have so many issues (twists and turns the doctor called them) that lessens the success rate for this procedure. And yet it is our ONLY option next to adoption. It's a sucky place to be.
D sees this as a problem with a possible solution. My sister sees it as a problem with my clinic, me and sees the need for another opinion. Several friends see it as shitty news. And I see it as too much. I don't know how to explain how overwhelmed I am. I can't ensure success so I don't know how to move on. Nothing I do can change the outcome - I am a control freak. I need to be able to work hard to change the outcome.
Lately I've looked at a lot of other fertility blogs, websites and funny things. I love that I am not the only bitter girl who can't get over the opinions that have been thrown my way. I love the common ground we share but hate that this is so common.
I guess today I just needed to say I was right. The bad news came and while there are way worse things in the world, I know that today...this feels like my worst. :(
Tomorrow might feel easier.
I can't explain my hesitation to proceed because it still doesn't make sense. I have so many issues (twists and turns the doctor called them) that lessens the success rate for this procedure. And yet it is our ONLY option next to adoption. It's a sucky place to be.
D sees this as a problem with a possible solution. My sister sees it as a problem with my clinic, me and sees the need for another opinion. Several friends see it as shitty news. And I see it as too much. I don't know how to explain how overwhelmed I am. I can't ensure success so I don't know how to move on. Nothing I do can change the outcome - I am a control freak. I need to be able to work hard to change the outcome.
Lately I've looked at a lot of other fertility blogs, websites and funny things. I love that I am not the only bitter girl who can't get over the opinions that have been thrown my way. I love the common ground we share but hate that this is so common.
I guess today I just needed to say I was right. The bad news came and while there are way worse things in the world, I know that today...this feels like my worst. :(
Tomorrow might feel easier.
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